I yanked my arm out of his grip, “What?”

“I know I screwed up last time, but I’m going to try again.”

“Sean,” I sighed heavily and ran a hand through my hair.  I clutched the end of the thick clump of soft copper.  It was a nervous habit I’d had since I was a kid.  Sometimes I even pulled strands of my hair completely out and watched them fall slowly to the ground.  I’d always wished they’d fallen more like feathers.

“It’ll be fine this time, man, don’t worry.  I just need you to look out for us.”

“I can’t.  You saw how pissed Kayla was.  What do you think she’d do if she found out I’d gone with you again?”

He just shrugged and puffed on his Marlboro.  I didn’t want to go with him this time.  Sean had this grand scheme all planned out perfectly in his mind.  He considered himself a leader figure, and there were plenty of dopes in our town who would follow Sean to their graves.  His little following was big enough to have a name, but they hadn’t named themselves yet.  If they were considering one I didn’t know, and I didn’t want to know.  I wanted to back out, but I knew even then that I was already in too deep.  Sean was testing me, trying to get me to rally behind his so-called cause.  I could tell he was just as disappointed in me as I was in him.  He reassuringly rested a hand on my shoulder.

“I bought a gun.”

I felt the shock rise straight up from my stomach into my head.  Sean saw it hit me so he steadied me with his other hand dropping his cigarette onto the ground.  My eyes locked onto the smoldering tip.  As I watched it fall I imagined shotgun shells striking the pavement and bouncing to a shining halt on the ground next to my own bloodied body. 

I shook my head, “No way.  I’m not getting involved.  This is crazy.  You’ve lost your damn mind.”

“We’ve come too far for you to back out now.”

I felt anger quickly forcing that tight, shocked feeling back down into my stomach.  “You saying I have to participate because you bought a gun?  Your failed investment isn’t my problem.  I’ve got other shit to worry about.  I’ve got Kayla to worry about.”

His grip tightened on my shoulders and before I could even start to process the situation Sean had me pinned against the wall in the alley with a Glock 17 ready to unload in my face.  He pressed the barrel against my forehead.  The metal was cool against the sweat beginning to gather on my skin.  I’d been beaten my whole life, but this was the first time I’d ever had a gun shoved in my face…and I was scared.  Sean was shorter than me, but I knew he was stronger.  He was fiercer.  I could thank our mother for that. 

He shoved his forearm against my chest, “You won’t have to worry about Kayla ever again if you don’t do exactly what I tell you.  You got that?”